And a child we see through our parents’ eyes. That is our doorway to the world and they teach us about the world. They teach us how to be, or not be, in the world. We look to them to show us how to foster self-love and develop a loving relationship with our self.
Relationships form the foundation of our life and our sense of self-identity. As souls experiencing our human journey without relationships we do not grow. Without relationships, especially where we do not form a loving relationship with our self, we stagnate and we do not grow. Now that may not sound like a very spiritual statement but what I mean is this:
§ Our Soul’s entire purpose is to express the Divine. To be an avenue for that unconditional love.
§ Our Soul helps us, as human beings, to do that when we are open to its guidance and allow our soul to express itself through each one of us.
§ In that way we as humans become the expression of the Divine.
§ Then we can experience heart-centered relationships without any unnatural fear, compromise, control, judgement or blame, and open our heart so love is ever flowing to our self and to people in our life.
Our life flows, or doesn’t flow from the relationships that we have with our self and with others. So it is crucial to develop a loving relationship with our selves first and foremost. This is the most important relationship that we can have. When we are right within our selves then our outer world flows in the direction that we intend.
Relationships that we have with others, be they parents, siblings, partners or friends present us with the opportunity to love our self. That’s why I say we stagnate without relationships… because we do not create avenues for the Soul to love and therefore not express the love of the Divine.
Now the relationships that we choose are affected by some degree, sometimes greatly by our experiences in growing up, by our genetic traits and by traumatic events that we may have experienced, especially when young. Those experiences affect our sense of self and therefore our relationships. Many are buried away in the subconscious part of our mind and jump up when triggered by situations, in what we hear and what we see. If the relationship that we have with our self is dysfunctional then relationships that we form outside of ourselves will be impacted by our reactions and subsequent behaviours.
I am not saying here that we put blame onto our childhood and our families for any dysfunction that we experience in our adult relationships. But we can use that formative period of our life to provide us with clues as to the ‘why’ we do what we do. But the good news is that we all have the answers within our selves. We are the golden key that unlocks the door to fulfilling and deeply nurturing relationships as our Soul walks in to take our hand and guide us back to self-love. We have both the wisdom and knowledge inside, and we can access that by changing the way we perceive our selves and others.
Ultimately is what we feel about our selves that has the greatest impact on all of our relationships. But by having conscious awareness and maintaining presence of our self we will bring healing of the deepest nature to all of our wounds.
So How Do You Create A Heart-Centered Relationship?
1. It’s accepting your partner, family and friends for who they are and allowing them to be who they choose to be.
This enables you to cease any blame, judgement, criticism or controlling habits. It also frees you from any place or state of mind that you have become stuck in. Now you can disentangle from emotional threads that bind you in the same old position. Relationships are all about being ourselves, with each person in the relationship allowing the other to be true to their self. It’s not about being what the other person wants us to be or trying to live up to their expectations but rather using what each brings to the relationship to assist each other to grow.
2. Seeing that what is manifesting, or has manifested, in your relationship/s has a link to you. That you have a part in its making.
3. Stepping back into Self, and looking at the bigger picture so you can see the wisdom being presented to you, and the gifts that you each of you bring to the relationship. This helps you to observe and start detaching your thoughts, pulling back your energy to use it for better purposes and more loving outcomes.
4. Acknowledging the part that you both play in the relationship and focusing your thoughts on the positive aspects of people in those relationships. In this way you bring out those beautiful aspects as the love that you send, encourages the other person to do the same.
5. It’s being truthful to you, honouring your feelings, and not compromising your truth and therefore foster self love, self-belief and trust in who you are.
6. It’s being compassionate and asking to always connect at the heart level to all people that you have relationships with so that you negate any possibility of judgement.
7. It is seeing that all of the people in your relationships, including you, as equals. And all have equal voice.
8. Accepting that they too are a Soul whose human journey may also feel hard and long and, as a result of their conditioning, maybe unaware of their traits and how they respond to you.
9. It’s being clear on what you are communicating, on what you want and who you want to be. Don’t leave it up to others in your relationships to work it out. They are probably also struggling.
10. It’s seeing others as an extension of yourself and asking if your actions and your intentions are something that you would want to receive.